Using Books to Support Social Emotional Development Book List pdf free ebook download from www.ccdh.org

Using Books to Support Social Emotional Development Book List pdf free ebook download from www.ccdh.org

This is a great resource of children's books that promote social and emotional learning.  Take a look!

Transitions between activities

I have had several interesting conversations with some teachers in
the last few weeks about how they have children in their classes
having difficulty with transitions. The children either don't want to
leave the activity they are currently engaged in or it becomes a power
struggle with the child wanting to choose what activity to do next.
This leads to frustration on both sides; the teacher and the student.
So here are some things to consider: One, think about using a picture
schedule. This is particularly helpful with children who may not be
reading yet or children who are very visual in nature. Keep the
schedule at child eye level. You would be surprised how many times I
have entered a classroom only to see the picture schedule located way
up on a wall out of the children's reach. Review the schedule with
the children throughout the day to help them see what will be coming
up in their day.
Two, give a five minute warning prior to the transition. I have even
used timers with countdown areas on the clock for children to see the
time elapsing and then used the picture from our picture schedule to
alert the children of the transition that is coming up. That way
children can "gear up" for the change in the routine.
Three, make sure to give simple but clear directions about the
transition. Remember the saying KISS? (Keep It Simple Stupid) It is
the same theory really. Some children have difficulty with multi-step
directions. It isn't that they are upset about the transition, it is
that they don't understand the directions you just gave to them. So
give directions in a simple format and with some children consider
restating the directions to ensure their success.
Those are just three suggestions for helping your transition from one
activity to another in the classroom. There are many others out
there. What have you used with success? Please share in the comments
section!

Behavior: I'm Right and You're Wrong

As a parent and a teacher I have run in to that one child who wants to argue EVERYTHING. What do you do so it doesn't become a power struggle? I came across the following article and wanted to share it.

"I'm Right and You're Wrong!"
Is Your Child a Know-it-all?
by James Lehman, MSW

Does your child always insist that they're right and everyone else is wrong? Some kids have a bad habit of asserting their opinions by drowning out everyone else in the room—regardless of whether or not they know what they're talking about. Understandably, this overbearing behavior can be very annoying and frustrating for both parents and family members alike.

"If you want a child to be a real pain in the neck—if you want to strengthen some behavior or characteristic—just argue with them. It will serve to exercise that muscle and make your child feel more powerful."

Before I give you ideas for dealing with this behavior, I want to make one thing clear: As kids grow, they need to develop their interests and ideas, and they need to learn how to express them. They also have to learn where they end emotionally and where their parents begin—what we call "emotional boundaries." At different developmental periods, kids go through a process called separation and individuation. Sometimes this process is not very noticeable at all, and sometimes it occurs very intensively. As an older child or teen, they continue that process by learning how to form their own opinions. So realize that some of the behavior you're experiencing with your teen or pre-teen is very normal for this stage in life.

I also can't stress enough the importance of listening to your child once. I know they can be obnoxious and irritating—but just remember that sometimes they might be stating an opinion about something you really need to know about. It might be something the teacher is doing that may be inappropriate, a dangerous thing the bus driver is doing, or a risky behavior on the part of your child's friends. It's important that you listen to your kids with an open mind, because when something important does come along, you want to make sure they feel free to bring it to you.

Saying that, if your child's need to assert their opinions crosses the line and becomes obnoxious, there are things you can do to help curtail that behavior and teach them more socially appropriate ways of behaving, both inside and outside of the family.

* Don't Be Frightened by Your Child's Opinions

Do not be frightened by kids' opinions—just respond to them honestly. I think it's much more effective to judge your child by their behavior rather than by their opinions, thoughts or ideas. Often their ideas are based on peer conversations at school, rumors, cultural events, or something they've seen or heard in the media. When your child or teen is talking to you, they're often trying to shape their own opinions. It's better to hear your child out, state your opinion honestly, let them respond, and then respectfully disengage from the conversation. That way, nobody gets their feelings hurt and you've avoided an argument.

So don't be threatened by your child's opinions and assertions, even if they're wrong. The more you ignore these kinds of statements, the sooner they will go away. In fact, if you want a child to be a real pain in the neck—if you want to strengthen some behavior or characteristic—just argue with them. It will serve to exercise that muscle and make your child feel more powerful.

* Don't Keep the Argument Going

If your child is trying to start an argument with you, don't keep it going. Parents often feel like they have to get the last word in to be in control, which in reality only serves to further the child's urge to argue with you. If you disagree with your adolescent child, they often think it's because you don't understand what they're saying, so they'll keep trying to put it another way. This is because people who are immature in their communication styles aren't always able to see that you don't agree with their position. They think that if they could just explain it a little better, you'd understand and accept it. This is another reason why arguments with kids can keep going even after you've explained your point of view.

If your child tends to be argumentative and you stay in the argument with them, it makes them feel more powerful and in control. Don't forget: kids only have the power you give them. Some of the power they need to have is very important; it helps them develop their personal and social lives. In fact, it's very important that they gain increasing access to power as they grow older and individuate more. On the other hand, when it comes to discussing house rules or consequences or privileges, I think that after they state their opinion, you say, "I understand, but this is the way it is," and then leave. If you stand there, they think it's OK to keep talking. When you get out of the situation, it takes the power out of the room.

One of the most powerful things you can do with kids who are know-it- alls is not respond to them when they try to drag you into an argument. Be respectful but disengage, because each time you respond, they feel compelled to answer back—and as you know, the discussion will just keep going and going.

When your child has come up with some erroneous statement in an attempt to prove their point, the best thing you can do is state your opinion honestly. When they state their counter opinion, you can say, "That's really interesting. I have to go downstairs now." If what they are saying has to do with health or safety: then you should correct it and walk away.

* Don't Let One Child Ruin It for Everybody

If family members are having dinner, watching TV or a movie together at home, don't let one child dominate the conversation in such a way that it blocks everyone else from expressing their opinions. It's very important to understand that while everyone's opinion is valued, it's usually valued once. After that, it becomes harassment. If one of your children doesn't like what you're having for dinner or doesn't care for the movie choice, give them their options and don't let them sit there and continue to annoy everyone with their negativity. Always have a back-up plan. This usually includes having them go to their room until they can let go of the topic or complaint they're stuck on. This does not have to be a punishment or consequence. It's just a time out for your child in his or her room, until they can get off the subject. Often, when kids are over-stimulated, anxious or frustrated, it's hard for them to switch thoughts on their own. A change of scenery and a few minutes away from the stimulation can be very helpful.

* Use Cues

Many parents of children who act in an overbearing way find it effective to come up with a cuing system with their child to signal that they're "doing it again." You and your child should agree on a signal, just like a cue in a movie or play. The gesture means, "Really stop it now. You've stated your opinion and you need to let it go. If you go further, there are going to be consequences." Many parents find this a very effective, non-verbal tool for helping their child curtail inappropriate behavior without embarrassing them in front of others.

* My Child Won't Let His Siblings Express Themselves

If your child won't let his siblings express themselves, or will not listen to their opinions, what I would recommend is that you say "Jack, you aren't listening to others. How can you keep arguing your position when you won't even listen to your sister's answer? Why don't you give her a second and hear what she's saying?" That way, you provide an example to your other kids so they can learn to say, "You're not listening."

If your kids won't stop arguing back and forth, you can also say, "I'm tired of this bickering. This conversation has 60 more seconds, and if you don't stop, you're going to your rooms." At first, the child who's the know-it-all might get more obnoxious, but just follow through with the consequences so he learns how to stop. Give them the responsibility that the argument has to stop in 60 seconds and when it doesn't, you hold them accountable. In this way they learn to meet the responsibility of stopping the argument, as well as a more socially appropriate way of behaving.

Remember, as a parent, you don't have to attend every argument you're invited to; you can make choices. Although it is very important that kids feel like they're being heard and responded to, it does not mean they get to go on endlessly. We can all debate about a lot of things, but we're responsible to a structure in our home. The truth is, we all have varied opinions about our jobs, our supervisors, or our teachers, but as we mature, we have to learn to deal with our thoughts and feelings independently and keep our opinions separate from our functioning at school or work, as well.

This is very important for kids to understand: There's a difference between his or her opinion about things and the way the family structure—and the world—operates.

Empowering Parents is a weekly newsletter, online magazine and blog published by the Legacy Publishing Company. Our goal is to empower people to empower people who parent by providing useful problem- solving techniques to parents and children. For more information,
visit www.empoweringparents.com

The Magic Phrases.....

Here is another tidbit from Dr. Jane Bluestein to use with children.  Please enjoy.  As always you can click on the blog title (The Magic Phrases in this case) and it will take you to the website that we found the information.

"Magic" Sentences for Avoiding Conflict and for Negotiating

Getting What You Want

By Jane Bluestein, Ph.D.

"Magic Sentences" (or key phrases) are simply practical ways to use language to prevent, minimize or de-escalate conflicts with kids.  Different sentences will be useful in different situations.  These examples represent a win-win approach to relationships with young people and can be equally effective in interactions with other adults.

"Great first draft."

Use when kids turn in work that is incomplete, illegible or incorrect.  Invites kids to redo, complete, clean up or self-correct their work.

"We'll try again later"

For times when you withdraw a positive consequence (ask kids to sit somewhere else, stop reading a story).  This keeps the door open for kids to try again and make better choices at a later time.

"This isn't working"

An excellent way to interrupt disruptive or off-task behavior without attacking or criticizing.

"I know  you wish you could..."

Validates a child's desire to do something (not go to a particular class, go to the nurse or go home, hit a classmate, not take a test, etc.) when that option is not available or not negotiable.

"That won't work for me."

A simple, non-attacking way to reject a student's suggestion when it proposes something inappropriate or inadequate for your objectives.  You can validate the worth of the proposal ("Interesting idea" or "Oh, that does sound like it would be fun") and, if appropriate, even offer to look for opportunities to offer that suggestion at another time.

"Think of a solution that will work for both of us."

Transfers responsibility to a dissatisfied student to find a solution that will work for him and for you (and not become a problem for anyone else).

"Can you live with that?"

Affirming commitment after coming to an agreement.

"Tell me what you just agreed to (do)."

Confirms the student's understanding of an agreement, making sure you and the student are on the same page.

"Humor me"

When you ask for something that seems unreasonable, ask for something just because it's important to you, or when you have to give seemingly needless instructions, for example.  This works best when mutually-respectful relationships have been established.

"Because we're all different and we all get to succeed."

When questioned about why different students are on different pages, have different assignments or different requirements; or to be taught in different ways.

"Equally appropriately challenged"

A 21st-century definition of "fair" (as opposed to "fair" meaning "same"); allows different kids to be on different pages, have different assignments or different requirements; or to be taught in different ways.

"We don't say that here"

Non-attacking response to student's hurtful or offensive language.

"My door is open"

An invitation to come and talk.  Indicates an awareness of a troubled student's situation without being nosy or invasive.  Most effective in a high-trust relationship and emotionally-safe environment.

"We don't need to talk about that."

A way to disengage from gossip or toxic interchanges.  Also "That's none of my business" or "I appreciate your concern."  Change the subject immediately to make it clear that you do not wish to continue the discussion.  (More likely to be used with other adults.)

Note:  Consider negotiating with kids (getting their input and ideas) because:

It's a great way to communicate your limits. (It's not giving in!  Honest!)

It's a great way to secure a commitment.

It's a great way to be sure they understand both what you want and what they can expect  (positive consequences) if they follow through on their end.

It's a great way to accommodate kids' needs for power and autonomy without compromising your own authority.

Sometimes they can come up with better solutions and ideas than we can!

Excerpted and adapted from The Win-Win Classroom, revised edition, by Jane Bluestein, Ph.D. Copywrite 2008, Corwin Publishing, Thousand Oaks, CA.